How To Kill Your Family
£8.99They say you can’t choose your family. But you can kill them…
Meet Grace Bernard. Daughter, sister, serial killer…
Grace has lost everything. And she will stop at nothing to get revenge.
They say you can’t choose your family. But you can kill them…
Meet Grace Bernard. Daughter, sister, serial killer…
Grace has lost everything. And she will stop at nothing to get revenge.
My name is Roy Race. You know me as Roy of the Rovers. This is my story.
From the five terrifying kidnappings that threatened to blight his playing career to the stomach-churning murder attempt in 1980, which left Roy in a life-threatening coma; from the sickening car bomb attack that tragically killed eight of Roy’s team-mates while on a pre-season tour of Basran to the horrific helicopter crash in 1993 that resulted in the amputation of Roy’s legendary left foot: this is the shocking tell-all autobiography of one of England’s greatest ever sportsmen.
Candid, emotional, optimistic, strangely repetitive, full of crushing lows and dizzying highs, and bearing an inexplicable resemblance to the plot structure of old comic strips, Roy’s autobiography shines as brightly as the Melchester Rovers legend himself. Sit down, kick back, and treat yourself to the greatest football fairytale story of all time.*
*except for Leicester
It is an ordinary Thursday and things should finally be returning to normal.
Except trouble is never far away where the Thursday Murder Club is concerned. A decade-old cold case leads them to a local news legend and a murder with no body and no answers.
Then, a new foe pays Elizabeth a visit. Her mission? Kill . . . or be killed.
As the cold case turns white hot, Elizabeth wrestles with her conscience (and a gun), while Joyce, Ron and Ibrahim chase down clues with help from old friends and new. But can the gang solve the mystery and save Elizabeth before the murderer strikes again?
‘Funny, clever and sweet… there is a lot of Mortimer’s ridiculousness’ – Sunday Times
‘The much loved comic proves adept at noirish fiction in a debut whose surrealist humour sets it apart’ – Observer
My name is Gary. I’m a thirty-year-old legal assistant with a firm of solicitors in London. To describe me as anonymous would be unfair but to notice me other than in passing would be a rarity. I did make a good connection with a girl, but that blew up in my face and smacked my arse with a fish slice.
Gary Thorn goes for a pint with a work acquaintance called Brendan. When Brendan leaves early, Gary meets a girl in the pub. He doesn’t catch her name, but falls for her anyway. When she suddenly disappears without saying goodbye, all Gary has to remember her by is the book she was reading: The Satsuma Complex. But when Brendan goes missing, Gary needs to track down the girl he now calls Satsuma to get some answers.
And so begins Gary’s quest, through the estates and pie shops of South London, to finally bring some love and excitement into his unremarkable life…
A page-turning story with a cast of unforgettable characters, The Satsuma Complex is the brilliantly funny first novel by bestselling author and comedian Bob Mortimer.